Why is it so hard to love ourselves?

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As people around us is a reflection of our own inner, mental state, we’re also the reflection of others. We pick so much shit sometimes and we are so conditioned to do it that we don’t even notice. We pick up on eople’s anger, resentment, violence, brutality. And we incorporate them as part of ourselves, and we seldom notice that those feelings and actions are not ours.


As humans, we tend to be judgmental. Sometimes we direct those judgements towards other people, but most times they tend to be directed towards ourselves. We despise ourselves for things that we tend to overlook in others, we might be strangely forgiving with people around us, excusing their behaviour but totally pulverising ourselves for even the smallest detail.


Where did we get this idea that perfection is the ultimate goal? Not only is perfection impossible, it is also ridiculous. And something we will never be able to achieve. If you were perfect, there would be no room for growth, for evolution. There would be no room for creation or possibility, there would be no room for darkness.


Change is difficult. It takes a lot of bravery, and it takes a lot of determination to change. But it also takes a very long time, at times. This is because we might not realise that a situation or a pattern we are in is not for our highest good. It can start as a slight discomfort that we just brush aside, and it can be years before it all piles up until we feel so overwhelmed, so trapped, so angry, that we NEED that change. But breaking a pattern might not be that easy. Sometimes, even when we make the decision to do things differently, we end up falling back to our old patterns, again and again.

And this, of course, is really frustrating, and can make us really angry with ourselves. You can feel no confidence in yourself, you might repeat over an over how useless you are, how stupid, how whatever. But this is not going to help you, and it is yet another pattern that is keeping you from a life of peace and self-love

I’m not talking about self-complacency. When you make a mistake, of course there will be consequences. If you had promised to yourself never to smoke again, and you do it, even if it’s just once, you know that you’re gambling with your health, or your family’s. But there is also always a second chance. Admit you could have done a different thing, but you didn’t, so stop reliving that moment. It’s better to think how you can stop yourself from doing it again. What paths you can avoid so that you are not tempted.

Use your energy to protect yourself, not to demean yourself and what you do. It is better to find a solution that to keep poisoning your own soul with recrimination and regret. Quit nagging yourself. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t work when you do it to others, and if doesn’t work when you do it to yourself.

Many of the mistakes we make in our lives we make because we are looking for love and appreciation. Perhaps sometimes we look for them in the wrong places, but it’s still true. We need those things. And the first step to getting them is to give them to yourself.

Look after your body, which is the vehicle of your soul. You NEED it. Look after your soul’s deepest needs and satisfy them. You are a precious spark of life, you are unique and there is no other person like you in the whole world. This is reason enough to protect or love yourself.

But there’s more. Perhaps you can be an example for others; you might want to model loving yourself so that your children will learn how to do it and look after themselves, you might want to be an example for people you love, like your parents or friends, a neighbour or a colleague.

When you are finally able to love yourself deeply and unconditionally you shine a light in the world, and that light will illuminate other people’s paths, and it will also aid in cleaning the energy of this planet.


It is hard to love ourselves because we become aware that our full potential has not been realised. That we are the promise of something bigger and more beautiful but we are trapped in petty struggles, we block ourselves out of fear of what our own power can do and create.

If you currently feel that loving yourself is something that you cannot do, at least be willing to try. Try looking for examples of times in your life when you did things right, when you felt loved, or successful, or alive, or free. The more you start looking for these examples the more you will find. And this in turn will start feeding your self-love.

Because how could you not love the one who has done all these wonderful things?

Love and blessings!


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