It’s been hard, too, because in the meantime I have been reading and watching other things too, and that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t followed the course so strictly. That, and the fact that I get distracted and then I find it difficult to find my way back.
One of the tasks to do during the seocnd week is called Ten Tiny Changes (p. 58). IN this task you are asked to come up with ten changes you would like to do in your life. The idea behind is that when, through the Morning Pages, you start paying attention to your life, what it is like and what you need and want.
I feel that, as I have said in other posts, in several occasions we don’t even notice what we want or that something is damaging or uncomfortable to us because we are so steeped in our daily struggles that we don’t have time to pay attention to what is going on inside.
So, the practise of coming up with these little, or not so little, changes, is supposed to feed our soul with a longing that has been dormant for who knows how many years. Coming up with the ideas for these tiny changes should bring back a little bit of light into our rushed days.
In thinking about the changes I would like to implement in my life, I realised two different things.
ONE. At the moment, I am going through some big changes in my life. I am not only talking about the lockdown ans what it has represented in times of work, money, social life. It’s also the moving out of my current home, to a new neighbourhood, with my boyfriend. The things I am leaving behind and whatever is coming into my life that I cannot see yet.
And I got to thinking, how does one equate, if at all possible, small and big changes? I am convinced that big changes are not necessarily the driving force in a change of direction in our lives. I thought, maybe I am moving, and maybe everything is new and shiny, but for how long?
Am I different? Am I all new and shiny inside? Or will my problems and gifts travel with me wherever I go? I already know the answer, because I’ve been there before when I was younger, and I also know that if I don’t keep working on myself, and the habits that I want to cultivate, the new environment will bring nothing but a new backdrop for my current dramas.
Which makes the tiny changes supremely important. The small changes are the ones you do on an everyday basis, and gradually they become an integral part of your routine
And TWO. How awake is your imagination? How able are you to imagine the possibilities in your life? Have you / Do you allow yourself to imagine different possibilities or pathways for yourself? I know I don’t, or at least I haven’t, for a very long time. It is sad to realise that for many years I closed the door of imagination, that I didn’t even dare to visualise the possibilities that exist in the world, not only for me, but for other people as well.
I have had to work really hard on identifying those messages I grew up with, and that are so engrained in my mind and my soul that I don’t even know they are there. Those messages that have stifled the belief that anything is possible and that I can build up the life that I want to build.
In my case, all those messages have done is make me feel there is nothing else but what I see in my life in the present. That there is no other destination but where I am right now. That life is nothing but a sequence of small and big failures that make up life until one day it ends.
But deep inside I have always known this to be a lie, a misconception. I kept banging my head against the wall, though. Kept thinking that there’s got to be more to life than this, this sadness, this boredom, this quiet desperation. And still, as much as I tried, nothing ever changed.
I was sometimes happy, elated even. But then I descended again into the (mistaken) certainty that my life was never going to amount to somthing better than this. Until I realised that these big changes I sought were big because they consisted of a million little changes that I had never even tried. And I had never tried because I hadn’t noticed this, until now.
Big changes are not miracles. They just don’t magically happen. They are constructed little by little, with little steps we take in the right direction. And with these steps we need faith, faith that all the work we’re doing now will sometime amount to something.
And when the Big Changes come, we’ll know they’re ours, because we envisioned them, we constructed them and they’re ours to keep.
Love and blessings!!!